Monday, July 6, 2009

Top Ten Emerging Influential Blogs - The Return of the Darth Vader

image by Phillip West

A pack of dark heavy clouds coming from the east corner of the sky coalesced with the radiant morning sun; until the whole light was covered by the hue of greed and indulgence. Fear enveloped humanity. Everything now was full of darkness and terror.

Slowly, the dark clouds opened up ushering the evil that has once again resurrected from the forgotten part of the vast universe after being vanquished by the Knights on their legendary battle. His black robe and fiery eyes signal the return of the man whose heart was enveloped by the “dark side”. From his eyes, people can clearly see vengeance and thirst for blood; the blood of those who defeated him. Signaling the annihilation of the select race that has thrown him in to a black hole centuries ago, he called out his Cro-Magnon-like minions and summoned them to sow seeds of terror and destruction.

“Bring to me all the Knights. Kill all those who will block your way!”

To this, his minions scattered in all directions of the earth killing innocent lives, destroying everything they could see until they could bring all the Knights to their master.

1. Writing to Exhale: Jan was tweeting, humming tweet tweet when two Cro-Magnon-like creatures appeared before his doorsteps ready to kill him with their deadly crooked swords and sharp fangs. True to his skills as a Knight, he immediately took his armored black helmet and wore his black leather jacket. As one of the monsters tried to strike it’s sword to Jan’s head, he “exhaled” on it hundreds of tweet messages. The monster fell on its knees because of the sheer volume of tweets and Jan instantaneously used his helmet to crush the monster. “@Jan_Geronimo: Right at your back!” A fellow twitter-buddy sent a tweet on his screen and Jan immediately jumped off the window and landed on his scooter. His donorcyle's engine roared running 20kph off the roads of Mindoro. As the monster ran furiously after him, Jan shifted gear and headed towards the ugly monster and hit it with his 20kph blinding speed. The second monster died and vanished. This knight then tweeted, “I’m all well. Two down, buddies! James Dean here.”

2. The Struggling Blogger: It was a lazy day for Roy who was still brainstorming for posts for his 13 blogs on his cozy sofa that blogging bought, while sipping his own version of steroids: coffee. A good idea suddenly popped up from this spiritual director for his post. But a slimy monster with 15 eyes, 5 hands and 3 feet jumped off the new sofa of this Knight. “I will kill you! Grr!” said the monster. Roy saw how dirty his new sofa now was and got so angry at the despicable sight. He rolled up his sleeves and took the stance of a true warrior. As the monster was ready to pop up one of its ugly bulging toxic eyes, Roy took his hot coffee and poured it over the monster. The monster was burned and screamed to death, and Roy took the opportunity to swat it with his “fully-loaded” mobile phone. “Not on my new sofa, you sucker!”

3. Zorlone: Doc Z was still enjoying his siesta, a sleeping beauty for three hours now. He thought he was only dreaming when a hot chick suddenly turned into an ugly creature. He was still half-naked when he saw that everything is real. The monster with his crooked sword chopped Doc Z’s water-bed into two flooding his room. He then jumped off his nearby CD player and immediately pushed the “play” button. “I will never dance again, guilty feet, got no rhythm.” To this, the monster was in trance and started to dance asking for the aircon to be turned on. Doc Z saw the opportunity to kill the beast and took his laptop; aimed his video cam and took his stethoscope that flashed a laser beam on the monster. Kaboom! “That is what you call a Ghostbuster scandal dude. Kawabangga!”

4. Dear Bloggery: She was out for a break having her vacation on La Luz, Batangas. But the radar of the dark entities was just so strong that they tracked this beauty sun-bathing at the beach front. “You’re hot dear, but Master told us to kill you.” Snow did not quip and just took off her shades to take a good look at the enemy. “You sure?” The monster showed its fangs and jumped off Snow, but she suddenly sprayed it with snow and the ugly creature froze to death. “Now, don’t ever bother my vacation.”

5. Tales From the Mom Side: Dee already knew that some of the Jedi Knights and Lady Warriors were attacked by the minions of Darth Vader courtesy of the endless blow-by-blow tweets of Jan. To this, she and her husband Luke readied themselves. Argg! “We have ugly visitors dear.” said Dee to her “cute” hubby. She readied her laptop with its stars and smiley stickers. When Luke opened the door, bullets and lasers coming off from her smiley and star stickers peppered their ugly visitors. “Don’t ever dare try to go near my laptop and its stickers. Right Luke?” “Aye, aye madam.”

6. Home Buddies: Near their neighborhood people were already screaming and running for their lives. Fedhz just kept still playing with her child. She paused for a while and prayed so hard that her family be spared from all these atrocities. Hours passed by and no monsters ever came near them. But outside a monster was reading a sign posted at Fedhz’s doorstep, “Home Buddy”. The monster was a couch potato. Poof!

7. Social Media Philippines: Rob also heard the news but he just kept his cool on his cubicle. He tried to compose a tweet just in case a monster suddenly attacks him. Kapoow! His officemates fell unconscious after ferocious Cro-Magnon-like creatures barraged at the opposite cubicle. He then immediately sent his tweet. “I am the one you are looking for.” he said. The monster marched forward and one of them wounded Rob on his left arm. Rob stood up and just rubbed off the flowing blood. He took off his shades and fired at them his laser beam like Cyclops. All of a sudden, a “padyak” rammed the other monster from the opposite side of the office killing it with the bladed “padyak wheel”. A familiar man then stood up and told Rob, “Believe me, I was the one who really tweets.” Oh Mr. Palengke in the house!

8. Dare to Speak: It was quite a surprise for Silver to see dark clouds all over her head on high noon. “This is not quite the same weather when I was in our little place Barrio Siete. Ininto man ni nga panahon.” she whispered while reminiscing here old roots. “Waaah!” Ugly creatures crushed her furniture and flowers in her garden. She ran for her dear life not knowing what to do. One monster got hold of her by the hand and not letting her go. “We will crush you and bring you to Darth Vader.” Kling! She suddenly knew what to do. “Hey, I will go with you if you could answer my questions.” The monsters scratched their heads and replied, “Seems a good idea. OK.” “Who is blah…blah…blah…When was the blah…blah….blah…What is the blah…blah…blah…” The monsters got so dizzy and fell unconscious not knowing what to answer with Silver’s unending quiz bee narrations. “Laki kasi sa gatas.” said Silver with a sheepish smile.

9. Kelvinonian Ideas 2.0: He was on his way to school sporting that funky outfit and hairstyle and a pro-camera dangling on his shoulder. Students suddenly screamed while others jumped off from the second floor of the school building. Chug…Chug…Chug… “Who are you?” Kelvin asked. “We are here to kill you!” Chak! Chak! Chak! Kelvin took pictures of the dark legions and got them blinded by his camera’s thundering flash. He immediately manipulated the pics off his laptop, tweak some stuffs and clicked “save”. In an instant, the monsters turned into miniature toys and screensavers.

10. Barrio Siete: The barrio council convened already on what to do and everyone is now ready with their bolos, talong, patola, kalabasa, okra and upo in hand. The barrio kapitana shouted, “Let us chorva the uglibesh monsters with our chenez weapons!” To this all the barangay tanods shouted in response, “Chorvahin sila!” An army of ugly creatures arrived and the skirmish commenced. Kapitan Reyz smashed the monsters with talong and patola while some of the tanods where wapakels in readying the cauldron. “Winers na attech. The monster pakbet is now ready mga chorvalors!” shouted the kapitana. And the feast started.

The remaining monsters went back to their Master badly wounded and feeling defeated.

“Master, those Knights and Warriors were just so strong. Our army was defeated.”

Darth Vader turned from his back from what he was busy doing in the computer and starred with great anger to his minions.

“Dimwits! Stop the crap! Go occupy those seats and now make your own lists of Top Ten Nominees. Let us all defeat those suckers in the remaining four voting weeks.”

“Yes boss! But could you teach us how to make a blog account?”

“Ask those Jedi Bloggers, you nutheads!”

Sponsors For This Blogging Adventure:

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Business Summaries
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All characters in this short epic battle are all fictional. Any resemblance of characters to real life are mere coincidence. Violent reactions, disputes on the storyline and characterizations should solely be expressed on the comment form.

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jan said...

Thanks, bro. You've written a marvelous scenario. Action packed. The stuff of my fantasy.

Love it.

Congratulations to Barrio Siete, Rob of Social Media Philippines and Kelvin. You all deserve to be in the top 10 list of the handsomest Jedi bloggers in all the galaxies.

With all due respect to Doc Z, of course.

I feel undignified shouting this, but what the heck: FTW!

Tama ba ang pitch and accent ko, guys? Ahahaha

Recent blog:=- Elmot’s Way of Harnessing the Power of the Cosmos

Roy said...

hahaha! 'a blinding 20kph speed' lols

my new sofa and fully loaded celfone? wapak!

I was ready to roll on the floor at Doc Z... imagine killing the monster with a careless spell...

But I don't want to miss what happended to Snow, Silver, Dee, Fedhz, Rob, Barrio Siete and Kelvin

Darth Vader must be very mad lol

lil bro, you are really in your elements here hehe...

congratulations for the clever presentation!

oh, yeah! I almost forgot... thanks!

Recent blog:=- Bloggers Connection: Clin Chem Student Bloggers

jan said...

It's hilarious, Roy. Did you notice? I jumped off the window and landed on my donorcycle. Ahahaha. Kaya ba nila yun? :-P

Recent blog:=- Elmot’s Way of Harnessing the Power of the Cosmos

joji said...

Sa intro pa nga, Elmot, parang i want to listen to your voice in a 7.1 home theatre surround stereo. Brilliantly clever way of putting it. Kudos!

Zorlone said...

Elmot! Salamat sa pagboto at iyong kathang isip na situwasyon... teka babalik ako dito at gagawa ako ng angkop na tula...


Recent blog:=- In unity

jan said...

Pag tapos nyo dito, visit nyo si Joji. May post na rin sya ng top 10 influential blogs. Di ba no, Joji? Yeeha!

Recent blog:=- Elmot’s Way of Harnessing the Power of the Cosmos

Tyrone | Millionaire Acts said...

Waaahhhh, Elmot, di mo ako sinali.... :'(


Recent blog:=- Success Story of Chikka

Barbara Swafford said...

What a great way to showcase other blogs. Not only do you share why we should visit them, but you've used great story telling techniques as well.

Now I have more great blogs to explore.

Good job!

Recent blog:=- How Writing Catchy Titles May Hurt Our Blog

reyna elena said...

hehehe ~blush~ balik ako later, tulog muna me...

Recent blog:=- 11th Philippine President Corazon C. Aquino: Woman of all Years

Julius said...

Hahaha! :-D Very well said. It seems that this contest by Earth is much publicized and talked about. Sayang hindi ako kasali... :'( pero malay natin, after another era eh baka sakali... hahaha :-D

Keep on blogging and may the force be with you! 8-)

Recent blog:=- Dialysis Update – Taking Steps on A(H1N1) Prevention

Badong said...

nice. talagang may effort ang paglathala ng mga nominees mo a! good luck and congrats sa kanila!

Dee said...

Haha, what a creative and hilarious way to write about this! You did your research talaga and worked hard on this. I'm super impressed. :)

earthlingorgeous said...

this is so fun lol very star wars likey! :)

Recent blog:=- My Top 10 Emerging Influential Blogs For 2009

Roy said...

ala-lito lapid lol

and I have the most dangerous weapon - a "fully loaded" mobile phone!

Go unlitxt!

Recent blog:=- Bloggers Connection: Clin Chem Student Bloggers

jan said...

Mapapalaban yan fully loaded weapon mo, andyan na si Darth Vader from
Twitter. ahahaha

Jena Isle said...

Ha =-X :-D :-D This is an uproar Elmot. You can be a creative writer or even a screenwriter. I laughed my head off. Way to go!


elmot said...

i was really thinking so hard and imagining since last night of what plot to work on for my nominations to be funny and exciting.

i am just so glad that you like it. full-packed action this is bro, got bored of just listing my nominees and doing some exposition of each one's crazy antics.

it is just OK to be quite undignified sometimes, and Doc Z for sure will not counter what you said, ehehe!

elmot said...

@roy: yes, blinding speed at 20kph for our very obedient rider, ehehe! don't want to tarnish his good reputation.

and the sofa and the "fully-loaded celfone? yes!!! fruits of blogging, no one should steal it from you bro, even those ugly monsters. no one is gonna mess with your new sofa, ehehe!

oo nga noh, lito lapid!

elmot said...

sympre, kelangan kong ipakita sa ating kwento na you are set to defy your age and its limitations. i was thinking of antonio banderas jumping off the balcony landing on his black stallion on the mask of Z , eheheh!

elmot said...

@joji: ehehe! may ala-national geographic voice, ehehe! if there is only a podcast blog under my belt, i could have rendered one just for you. *wink*

thanks for appreciating my little way doing my PR for the jedi bloggers :D

elmot said...

im already so excited to read your poem for me ahahah! wag lang script with my students ha, baka ma-MTRCB tayo dude!

elmot said...

ehehe! pasensya na bro, well, announced my three last spots as vacant and i chose those who visited me here and join in the discussions with the whole gang :D

elmot said...

thanks for the visit barbara! i really appreciate you coming over to check out my blog and all those great bloggers i shared here on my post.

i am sure you would not be disappointed when you check their story-telling surely has intrigued you, ehehe!

elmot said...

sige reynz, take some sleep muna, ehehe! hintayin kita dito...sigurado akong may malupit kang reaksyon sa mga kathang-isip ko dito patungkol sa mga pangyayari sa barrio siete.

dala ka pizza pagbalik mo ah...eheheh

elmot said...

thanks for the visit here julius and i am glad i made you smile with my post. earth's contest?hmmm...i think this is ms. janette's contest.

next time, pwede ka pa naman siguro, though pareho tayo. disqualified ako with this one kaya ginandahan ko nlg ang nomination ko.

may the force be with you too bro! ;)

jan said...

I was thinking of Johnny Depp, but I can live with Antonio B. ahahaha. Ang
kapal. Pagpasensyahan ang matanda. I've earned it. lols

elmot said...

ehehe! talagang piniga ko ang utak ko para dito bro na prang bulalo, kakahiya naman sa mga astiging mga blogger na nanominate ko, dapat lang the best ang para sa kanila.

meron ka na rin bang list mo of nominees?

elmot said...

wow, i impressed you? ahaha! di ka naman naoffend dun sa kwento na ginawa ko sayo and luke with all those laptop star and smiley stickers? eheheh!

elmot said...

ahhaha! panalo na sana ako sa contest mo for the most creative list of nominees ano? ehehe!

star wars addicts kasi mga tropa dito eh

jan said...

Maybe we can split some hairs here to make Doc Z happy pa rin. I dare say your handsomeness is for general patronage. That cuts a large swath of the
galaxies, right? Good. Doc Z's good looks belongs to the triple X genre. You know, the ones involving whips, handcuffs and the ample use of the
Careless Whisper music. Last time I looked, vast territories still exist in the cosmos for Doc Z to claim as his dominion. :-P

Recent blog:=- Elmot’s Way of Harnessing the Power of the Cosmos

elmot said...

my first job could have been as a researcher at "The Buzz" and surely Jan was going to nag me for the pic and signature of krissy, ehehehe! but i actually wanted to become a screenwriter for bubble gang, ehehe!

i only write all these crazy stuffs in secret... but now with this blogging stuff out in the open for everyone to see, why not make a hilarious story with all the jedi bloggers as the cast ehehe!

salamat naman at nakapasa sa iyong taste mam ehehe!

jan said...

Wow, young bro. I'm impressed. @BSwafford has commented on your post. Bigtime ka na, young bro. ahahaha. You rock! 8-)

Recent blog:=- Elmot’s Way of Harnessing the Power of the Cosmos

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